Sunday, May 18, 2014

Siblings

Growing up I was almost like an only child. My brother is 16 years my senior so by the time I was two I was the only child in the house. I longed for a sister who was close to my age but it wasn't meant to be. In my later years I made spectacular friends and some would become close like sisters. Still I knew I wanted my children to have siblings.

Watching Rolston and his sister after the death of their mother solidified that I wanted my children to have siblings. We always said if we had children we wanted at least two. Now I am sure we want three and if it was twins for our last go round we would embrace that as well. We will require a mini van in the future and that is a day I look forward to as a sign that our family is complete.

When Emerson arrived we were uncertain how Brenton would react. He has had us all to himself for two and a half years after all. We prepared him as best we could. A specially ordered cabbage patch doll with a similar skin tone to his was our way to introduce the idea of a new baby. Then his father pointing out babies everywhere they went and explaining his special new role as a big brother.

Even with all the preparations we couldn't be sure how he would react. When the day came he wore his special big bro shirt and when he came into the room he stayed at a safe distance. He said no no when asked to meet his new brother. Then moments later he was close and talking to him.

Brenton sat with his brother and father on the bed and they all got to know each other a little better. It was amazing to sit and watch. When we came home Brenton was attentive and very protective. He still is.

When Emerson cries he is right there trying to find the paci or simply saying "oh no" again and again. Brenton is so empathetic. He wants to hold his brother and kiss his brother. He is gentle and kind with him.

I know this may change with time and sibling rivalry may take hold but for now in these early days of their relationship I am taken aback by how wonderful they are together. Perhaps to reward his brother for all the love, Emerson gave Brenton his very first real smile. It is a moment I will never forget.

Emerson was sitting in his bouncy seat and Brenton was kneeling smiling at his brother and it happened. The lips curled up and the lips parted slightly and he smiled a big toothless smile. I said excitedly, "Brenton he is smiling at you. Your brother is smiling at you." Brenton clapped his hands and laughed and put his head on his brother and hugged him. It was one of the happiest moments in my life!

Although I did not grow up with a sibling close in age, my sons will and no matter what happens they will always have each other. Watching them is a joy. As our family grows I will continue to relish all the wonderful moments my children share as siblings!

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

One Month

It has been one whole month since our second son joined our family. The month had been full of memorable moments. I am grateful for all of it even the sleep deprivation.

First the meeting between Brenton and Emerson is something I will never forget. He came into the room took a look and stayed very far away from his new brother. He eyed him up and then progressively got closer and closer until he felt comfy with his new brother. Now he can't stop kissing him and asking to hold him. He is also very concerned whenever he cries.

Brenton is very protective of his brother. I always felt in my heart he would be this way but to see it is simply astounding . He takes my breath away with his innate kindness and caring way.

We are all finding our way as a new family of four. Dynamics do change and Brenton needs my reassurance and a few more cuddles and kisses than usual. He is also a typical two year old pushing boundaries and being difficult at times. He likes attention and likes praise. It helps if I can find ways to ask him to be helpful. He also needs consistency in his schedule and time with his dad.

Emerson's needs are far more basic but the key is balancing them with Brenton's, Rolston's and mine. There are things about Emerson that I know that make it easier to understand him. He is fussy in the evening now. He likes being swaddled. He needs his pacifier. He hates having his diaper changed and he is gassy. He also smiles in his sleep.

Rolston just needs some alone time to recharge. He gets that during Brenton's nap and at night after i go to bed. He is my rock and takes care of me when I am overwhelmed by the changes. He smooths my hair and hugs me and I am comforted.

As always I find I am at my best when we are all together in the morning. Brenton watching Zou. Emerson nursing. Rolston dozing. I feel so content surrounded by my guys. I am also partial to having time alone with Brenton and Emerson. Brenton at bedtime or in the morning feeding him breakfast or outside pushing him on the swing. Emerson napping on my chest or staring up at me after he nurses.

I love being out in the sun or sitting with the windows open. I love taking pictures and video. Going on errands as a family is a chore and a blessing at once. Driving in the car alone or with my guys listening to music also brings me joy. I am looking forward to getting a pedicure soon and maybe even a massage. Recovery this time was harder so I think I am in need of some pampering now that I feel like myself again. Mothers day is this Sunday so perhaps that will be the day.

So far we are managing fairly well. The boys make it easy. Of course we have sleepless nights and stressful moments of upheaval and it has been overwhelming. I think we have all cried out of frustration at one point or another especially when Brenton had the stomach flu one weekend.

Still I took both boys to the park and to get ice cream all on my own. All the times I doubt myself about the things I feel like I can't do I surprise myself occasionally by the small victories that bring me such happiness. I am certain it is because in similar moments of weakness I can feel exactly the opposite.

That is the crazy ride I have been on in the past month and look forward to each day to come especially while I am in maternity leave. This time is precious and I am so grateful for it. I just can't believe it has already been one whole month!