Working Traveling Mother

Some consider the set up of our family unusual.  My husband stays home with our children and I am the breadwinner.  Although I work from home, on occasion my job requires that I travel.  Usually I am gone for just a few manageable days and only about a plane ride no more than an hour and a half away.  That is until recently.

With a new initiative on the horizon, I was making travel plans for an international trip that would have me away from my family for 7 days.  My confidence was shaken in my husband’s ability to be on his own with two very young children.  Not because I thought he couldn’t do it, but because it is a lot to handle and it is relentless.  If they were older I would have no worries, but when everyone requires something at all times and no one can even dress themselves it is a daunting challenge.  He saw it too.

We asked my mother to come up for the week and Gigi was pleased to offer her help and made plans for her time with Brenton and Emerson.  I felt a sense of relief that she would be there.  Relief for myself.  I did not want to leave my guys, but I had to go.

When the day came Brenton was convinced I would be flying the plane.  After my trip a few weeks earlier he convinced himself that I was a pilot.  I thought why not that would be very exciting.  Much more exciting than the life of a training specialist.

Crying was not an option until I was out the door.  Gigi provided Brenton with comfort and a distraction and I was grateful.  I shed a few tears of sadness and relief that soon it would be over and I would be gone and back before I knew it. 

Being overseas was empowering in many ways.  I realized I can be away from my family and not melt into a puddle of tears.  I am stronger than I thought. Video chat is very helpful.  Also staying busy is useful as well.  It is a far better thing to make use of the down time I had to see the sights then to stay cooped up in a hotel room missing my family.

Taking pictures everywhere I went to show my children how exciting mommy’s travels were.  I relished the opportunity to see a city where I had not been before.  It was an experience I will never forget proving I am a competent business woman and world traveler.

At times I consider the impact of our nontraditional arrangement on our children and what kind of men my boys will one day become.    Will they seek out someone who wants to stay home with the children or who want to work? As long as they are strong and intelligent and will challenge them and make them happy, I will support them no matter what type of life they choose.

All I can hope is that I have been a good role model for them to take the path less travelled if that is what you want to do.  Sometimes there are challenges in doing things differently, but if I was afraid of what people thought my boys would not exist at all.  Nontraditional is my tradition in many ways.  My mother has always said I choose the hard road.  I tend to disagree with the fact that it is harder than any others.  It is just different.

My path is my own and to all the working traveling mothers who support their families in leaving instead of staying home, I salute you.  It is tough to walk out that door, but so rewarding as well to know all that I do for my family.  I am lucky to have the opportunities that I do and to be a traveling working mother.

The Second Child

The second child is different.  Even if they are both boys, the second child will inevitably be different from the first. People told me this before I had my second child and it was not that I did not believe them, but thought how different can they really be?

The answer is really really different.  Emerson wants to sleep and he likes to sleep.  Emerson loves to eat.  He also loves to feed himself.  He is autonomous in ways that surprise me at the tender age of only 9 months.  He is warm and tender and also like a truck ready to roll right over you to get what he wants.  It is not that he smiles more or less than his older brother, but it is a different smile.

Emerson’s energy is different.  He is not as frenetic as Brenton can be.  His energy is focused.  He seems to know exactly what he wants and what he wants is basically simple.  Usually it is food that he wants.  When he is tired he tells you.  Emerson can actually tell you exactly what he wants.  He also is very likely to just go and get it.  That is the biggest difference is his ability to communicate which has always been a struggle for his brother.

I spent so much time with Brenton worrying about milestones and playing like the books told me to do so he would achieve the milestones on time.  This time around I don’t even read the emails about the should be doing this at this point.  I see them come into my inbox and promptly delete them.  Part of that is a lack of time and the other is a lack of concern.  He seems to be doing well and also I trust myself more.  It helps that he has a playmate at all times.  Brenton really enjoys his brother mostly and will play with him all day.  He is constantly engaged between the attention he receives from Brenton, or his father or me. Not to mention his grandparents and even other children at the many events he attends at the libraries with his dad.

There is not as much fear and anxiety placed on a second child.  I am not sure if that makes him different, but I am different.  It certainly takes less energy to just enjoy him as opposed to worrying about him all the time about things that I could never change. It also makes me more sensitive to the ways I raised Brenton in his first years until his brother arrived.

Brenton learning to share has been good for him.  It has been a struggle at times.  He does not have the communication skills to tell us certain things about his feelings yet and as a result he can experience high levels of frustration. His brother helps him through it.  He makes him laugh or tries to help in small ways.  It is amazing how someone so small can light up a room.  Both of my children possess intrinsic gifts of drawing people into their worlds.  Brenton is very social and engaging while Emerson is joyful and kind.  They complement each other.

I think a lot about the fact that Emerson makes a wonderful brother to Brenton and vice versa and think about the years to come.  I know that I still wish to have one more child.  One more will complete our family.  Three feels right.  In the here and now though, I am thoroughly enjoying the early years of the life with our second child. He is pure sunshine and light!