30 Weeks!

So much to do and so little time. This is how I have been feeling this last month. Work has been very busy and I have traveled to Charlotte, Delaware and NYC. My good friend’s wedding is also quickly approaching as well and as my belly grows I am reminded of the need for bridal shower arrangements and dress alterations all the while trying to get the nursery together and plan for Emerson’s arrival. I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed I must admit.

Tuesday I hit the mark of 30 weeks and felt a wave rush over me. Well past the halfway mark and only weeks remain until I get to meet my new baby boy Emerson. With Brenton I planned and planned and planned some more how I wanted his birth to go. I wanted a natural unmedicated delivery in a hospital with a midwife. I read books and watched movies and I felt very prepared and confident in my choice. Then at 39 weeks and ultrasound revealed he was likely over 10 pounds and everything changed. I was told it would be a scheduled c section.

I was very upset and mourned the loss of the birth I envisioned for Brenton. I was most concerned about my ability to mother an infant after major surgery, but luckily most of my fears were unfounded. I had a smooth recovery and was able to do everything I wanted after delivery for the most part. I will not lie about it and say it was not difficult. I missed those first moments that he spent off with his father getting checked out. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to be with him every moment and that was not possible. Even with my legs numb as I was stitched up, I contemplated running after them as he was wheeled away to the nursery.

Tuesday was the growth scan and I anticipated the news that Emerson was even bigger than Brenton was at this marker in the pregnancy. Much to my surprise he is well within normal ranges and is around 78 th percentile. Until now I had no birth plan other than we will see how big he is and then go from there which meant to me I would probably end up with another c section. The possibility that Emerson and I could avoid a surgical birth is astonishing to me. I realized I still really want to avoid surgery especially this time with Brenton being so energetic and the recovery from surgery is rough even for a determined person such as myself.

The new midwife I met for the first time reviewed the ultrasound results with me was very positive about my desire for a VBAC. Everyone else wears doubt on their faces as we discuss my situation. Bridget was positive as was her student Mary Ann. Both were reassuring that everything was normal and we would just keep an eye on his growth but that everything looked very good. The word normal was used frequently. Bridget has had three big babies, so her words somehow hold more weight. Also for the first time she explained things in a way that made me feel like a person as she measured my growing belly. She smiled a lot. She was warm in an energetic positive way. I felt refreshed.

I still must admit there is a huge fear inside me that if I get my hopes up I will be disappointed if I end up with another c section. I am almost afraid to plan anything at all, but I also want to be prepared and it has been over two years since I got myself ready the first time around. There is a group called ICAN and I want to go to the meeting and talk to other women about all of this. I am very emotional about it and I need to find a way to embrace and still manage the emotions I have surrounding the upcoming birth of my second son.

No matter what happens or how Emerson arrives, each year on the day of his birth I will tell him the story that will be truly ours. I tell Brenton his story as well because it is unique to us. All birth should be celebrated regardless of if it is a natural unmedicated birth at home or in the hospital or with an epidural or after an induction or via c section. Each story is different and unique. No woman I have ever spoken with on the matter has the same story or the same emotions surrounding their experience which also vary each time they deliver another child.

So here I am at 30 weeks finally thinking about his birth in a new way and realizing with additional clarity that at some point within the next 12 weeks I will meet my second son. My Emerson, who will take a new special place in my life and my heart. I am so excited to meet you!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

As I have mentioned there are so many traditions in our family surrounding the holidays and I treasure each of them for different reasons. Now with a child I treasure them even more. This year Brenton was so excited to participate in the festivities of his third Christmas season!

Perhaps his favorite pastime was removing the ornaments from the tree and really who can blame him. They are shiny and beautiful. I strategically placed the dollar store and unbreakable ornaments toward the bottom of the tree. This was based on a warning from other mothers with toddlers older than mine. As usual they were correct and I continuously found myself saying, “Brenton, please don’t touch the tree.” But he did and really it was ok. Nothing was broken and to me that was a small Christmas miracle.

I had a grand plan to take pictures of him in his brand new outfit, but due to a shipping error and limited time it ended up as a spur of the moment session when he was in good spirits and wearing a suitable holiday sleeper. Toddlers are hard to catch so I made the most of the moment I could get him to be still long enough to capture a few suitable shots for the holiday card. I still somewhat resist the idea that anyone would like to receive a card with my child’s picture on it, but my cousins have assured me that they do in fact enjoy them and that I must continue the practice.

We skipped the visit to Santa. Next year I will make it a priority to do both a breakfast with Santa as well as a picture. Perhaps we can make that a one shot deal since we will have one more little bundle of joy to wrangle. This year just like the picture for the cards time closed in on me too quickly. I did decorate the house the day after Thanksgiving and I finally got some outdoor decorations as well. One step forward and I don’t count the backward steps to be honest.

Family Christmas with the Applegate’s on the Saturday before Christmas was just as it always is. Crazy! All the cousins and all the children of the cousins running around like little Christmas maniacs in their holiday outfits. It is loud and wonderful fun. It was also warm not just from holiday cheer and egg nog, but actually like 60 degrees. We took the family photo outside and my favorite part was that the fireman made a bonfire. It isn’t a party without a fire!

We ate too much and laughed and the children made their drawings for the scrapbook that my cousin Chris makes each year. There were gingerbread houses too. Brenton just ate icing. I mean really just ate icing. He finished half the jar before I took it away much to his chagrin. He really threw a fit so I distracted him with a cookie because I am a good parent!

It was a late night so we put him in a Santa sleeper and his cousins threw him around. They even put him in a blanket and swung him back and forth and threw him in the air. After all the presents, icing and throwing he was spent and we made the short drive home finally at 9PM well past his bedtime.

A few days later my parents arrived. I made lasagna for Christmas Eve and handed out Christmas jammies. They were footed sleepers with pockets and hoods. They have already gotten a considerable amount of use and are way better than just a snuggie.

Christmas Eve night after Brenton fell asleep in his Christmas jammies, it was time to wrap and put together the presents. Man I will tell you who knew an easel would be the most difficult item to construct. The directions seemed easy enough, but it took a heavy mallet to get the two pieces together in the middle. The rest was a piece of cake by comparison, but it was all worth it the next morning when Brenton descended the stairs and exclaimed “Oh Wow! What’s this?” in the language only we understand. He made a beeline for the Thomas the Train set and then back to the kitchen set and then over to the easel and sat in the chair at his new table. He was overwhelmed and still there was more. He opened presents from his grandparents and a few more from us and his great aunt and uncle. He was thrilled and completely spent.

It was time for the traditional Christmas breakfast. I really love the meal because there is bacon and eggs. It is a happy time of gluttony and smiles. Brenton shoved eggs into his mouth and sausage too, but his favorite was the sticky bun from the Amish market. I have recently discovered this secret to my baking conundrum… you see I hate to bake and well the Amish seem to love it, so I buy it from them. Everybody wins as they are fantastic bakers!

Then the roast went into the oven in preparation for the next holiday meal. I think eating with your family is the number one tradition for the holidays. It is a necessity. We spent the day playing with new toys and napping and waiting for the roast to be finished. It was a little over done, but live and learn and next time take it out sooner. Still there was plenty and it was pretty good. I prefer the mashed potatoes to the meat anyhow.

Early to bed and the next day it was off to the beach. Perhaps my favorite tradition of all! We returned to the same house as last year and it was fantastic as I remembered. After unloading and settling in I could feel myself finally relaxing. This is our time to reconnect and relax our way into the new year.

The mornings were spent lounging on the deck in the sun. it was surprisingly warm. Each morning my father made a meal that included pork roll. You see Costco sells it in a 6 pound roll, so we just had to. It was eggs or pancakes and pork roll and it was ok because we were on vacation!

Brenton spent the early mornings with his grandparents and we slept in. Both of us. It was heavenly! Some mornings I was actually too well rested and just laid in bed luxuriously without a toddler foot or elbow in the back of my neck. Some days I took naps with Brenton in the afternoons too. I was beginning to lose track of the days. The hallmark of a relaxing vacation.

There were additional highlights. Rolston and I had a date night and went out to dinner at the Gables where he had wild boar! We took pictures on the beach and I got some excellent footage of Brenton chasing his father. We met Jason’s new girlfriend. Carson and his friends were so sweet to Brenton and included him in their fun for a while. Just like always we had some pretty amazing moments.

For the New Year we went to Calloway’s on the mainland. They have an arcade and Brenton was enamored. He loved the flashing lights and excitement. He even won himself an ET from the machine where you drop the arm and it picks it up. I helped a little, but really it was him. He loved watching his father play the basketball game and would shout and cheer as Rolston shot basket after basket. After dinner we even went back for more and then redeemed our tickets for useless crap, but it was a total blast!

Our trip was winding down but not after I actually made it until midnight to ring in the New Year with some sparkling cider! It was the end of Brenton’s final year as an only child down the shore after Christmas. We only had one more day to lounge and enjoy before heading back home, but we sure did make the most of it.

Then we packed up the car early the next day and with the threat of a big snow storm looming we high tailed it out of there. We dropped off the keys at the realtor turned around toward route 72 and said goodbye to the ocean one last time hoping we would be back next year to make some more memories. Unfortunately, it was the end to the most wonderful time of the year!

Everything is Crazy Good!

Everything is crazy. Did I mention that? But it is the good kind of crazy. I see a clear distinction now that before did not exist. Now that I have my own child and another on the way I feel the holidays and the craziness coming and the excitement floods over me.

I know what I am in for at 20 weeks pregnant deciding to carry on the tradition of Thanksgiving at our house was perhaps a little insane. I welcomed it. I adore the traditional Thanksgiving meal and even the planning and shopping is fun for me. On Saturday Brenton and I took off for Whole foods and filled the cart with all kinds of goodies. Everything but the turkey was purchased that day. It has become a tradition to get the bird from Lee’s turkey farm. It really is delicious and worth it to support our local farmers as well.

Before things really kicked into high gear with all the prep work we had a moment to enjoy the big ultrasound and get a good look at Rolston Emerson Gaiter for the first time. I was all smiles and Brenton was running around the waiting room. Rolston was in charge of wrangling him. He was in good spirits. We went for the scan and all was going very well. Then it happened. Brenton threw up everywhere. We joked it was his way of keeping the full attention on him. Poor little guy cried a bit and then just as quickly as it happened he was over it. The good news is all was well with Emerson. In celebration we revealed the picture and the name on Facebook.

Rolston went to get the turkey that day and with my instructions he knew exactly what to do and the trip went smoothly. That evening the stuffing was made and it was delicious! I had to sneak a taste or two. It met with rave reviews and I revealed my secret. The mix was from a bag. Of course I added my own touches such as stock instead of water and adding way too much butter and 2 pounds of sage sausage and onions and celery to the mix, but it was still from a bag. The rest of the meal was made from scratch except the marshmallows atop the sweet potato casserole and I would not have it any other way.

By Wednesday afternoon I was let out early from work and we were in high gear. Rolston is my trusty potato peeler which makes the prep work much easier for me. Brenton was being helpful cleaning up the stray peels that missed the garbage can. My parents stopped by with the pies and cranberry sauce. Despite the craziness it was all very enjoyable and exhausting. Since I spent the day mainly on my feet I was exhausted and made it to bed early in preparation for the big day.

On Thursday I woke early with Brenton and we stayed in our jammies and watched Sesame Street. Then it was time to prep the turkey. Stuff some herbs and oranges inside and some butter under the skin, salt and pepper and in the oven to brown. 6 hours later voila!

I cleaned the house and set the table with Rolston’s mother’s table linens and china. I let the feelings of sadness wash over me. I also remembered her warm smile and her laugh. That we use her things to celebrate this family holiday is important to me and we will do it every year.

Brenton napped and I got ready just in time for the family to arrive. My parents, my grandmother and my brother and his family. 10 of us all together is the perfect number for me and for my dining room table! Everyone was munching on the appetizers my sister in law brought and drinking wine and root beer. It was in full swing and Brenton was being a doll with his great grandmother. She just loves him and he loves her.

Not long after the meal was ready and I carved the turkey for the first time. With a little help from everyone we were ready to eat. We said our family grace holding hands and then broke out into conversation over a good meal. I received many compliments and I must admit I do enjoy them. When we were completely stuffed the table was cleared and we sat rubbing our bellies for a bit while we made room for dessert. There has to be pie of course.

It was a wonderful meal with a wonderful family and I was so pleased to host despite all the craziness and being pregnant and my little two year old running around it was exactly what I wanted. Even in the moments I thought I might just give up and ask everyone to leave because I did have that moment. The truth is my husband kept me sane and we realized we didn’t yell at each other once. Progress despite the craziness.

After everyone left and the house was quiet I put Brenton to bed and planned my next steps for decorating for Christmas the next day. I was in bed early again and the next day was spent in my pajamas. By noon the tree was up. Rolston hung the wreaths while I wrapped the garland around the banister. While Brenton napped I decorated the tree. My parents came by again and played with Brenton while I put up my Santa collection. Memories are tied to these traditions that I love and with my family ever present it makes it so much more special and joyous and crazy.

Saturday was yet another busy productive crazy day. An early trip to obtain what I have always wanted for our front “yard”. A 6 foot spiral tree with a star and two reindeer because outside lights are just not practical in any other way. I absolutely adore them. It is just what I wanted and I set them up all by myself. There is a sense of satisfaction in that for me running extension cords and making sure everything looks just so. Then it all felt complete.

A quick trip to pick up my bridesmaid dress and to Chipotle to ensure I ate something other than the Thanksgiving leftovers I had been indulging in for the past 36 hours and I was worn out. I vegged out on the couch until Brenton woke from his nap. Next stop was the train show and the tree lighting.

My parents arrived a little before 4 and we walked to old city hall. It was magical and of course crazy. People were everywhere and the train displays were more than amazing. Brenton was so excited. He could barely contain himself pointing and shrieking. It was all too much and so on our way out he proceeded to have a full meltdown complete with collapsing on the sidewalk and refusing to get up. This continued for approximately a half hour of just full discontent. He could not even be swayed with popcorn, shoulder rides or new mittens from the consignment shop.

We moved to an open spot in the street around 5:30 hoping he could burn off some negative energy and let him run back and forth between us in the street. It was no use. He could not be happy unless he was running back and forth and it was just too crazy. We were meeting for family dinner around the corner at 6 and so we just threw in the towel and walked home while the tree remained unlit behind us.

I was very concerned that family dinner would not go well for Brenton and came prepared with the kindle, but he was surprisingly well behaved. It was the adults who were more raucous than he was. My mother took excellent care of him and made sure he had his fill of bruschetta because of course we had to get a bunch of appetizers to share and apparently he really likes bruschetta.

After yet another crazy family meal we said our goodbyes and by the time we got home Brenton was very sleepy. I put him to bed and my eyes were already beginning to shut from exhaustion as well. I made it through a movie with Rolston though despite everything and I wouldn’t have had it any other way than spending an evening just quietly on the couch in our home together decorated for the holidays after an exhausting three days together. He put his hand on my belly while Emerson kicked and rubbed my leg.

Sunday was a day of rest and relaxation finally after all the hub bub. I watched a whole movie by myself. Still Brenton decided it was a good day to refuse to nap and although he was quiet and rested after the grandparents came by for a final goodbye he was in full meltdown mode yet again. Over and over he cried and looked at me and cried and looked at me some more. The answer…stuffing and macaroni and cheese followed by a good dose of Sprout’s goodnight show.

After Zou ended I convinced him to head upstairs brush his teeth and after a few stories he was asleep in my arms. This is my favorite thing in the whole world…holding my sleeping child. He is calm and his rhythmic breathing calms me as well. It reminds me no matter what insane things happen in a day everything is good, crazy good!

Speaking Up

When the issue first arose in our town regarding religious music in a public school winter concert to me the response was swift and pointed. The establishment clause in the first amendment clearly implies a freedom from religion. As a person brought up in the Presbyterian Church and attended Catholic school from 5 th grade through high school graduation religion is a topic with which I am quite familiar as is the history of our country.

There was a swell of outrage regarding the removal of three specific songs. “We Sing Gloria”, “The Kings from the East” and “Bring a Torch Jeanette, Isabella”. I was shocked at the outrage. I was shocked these overtly Christian songs were in the program to begin with. As a Christian I felt they had no place in a fourth grade music class in a public school and as an American I was outraged that this was even an issue at all.

The debate began on social media. It became heated almost immediately. I remained respectful in my disagreement that this was an attack on Christmas. I stayed resolute in my defense of this as a first amendment issue. As the debate continued it became clear this was not just about the Constitutional interpretation of the first Amendment. It was much bigger. It was personal.

I began to realize why there was such an uproar. It was religion. Religion is so personal it goes to the core of the being of many. It is about faith and spirituality. It is brings up complex emotions.

As a community we were clearly divided. The debate reached a fevered pitch on several occasions. Adults were becoming bullies and using words as weapons instead of constructive tools. Posts were deleted and people were banned from groups.

I continued in my pursuit of the issue and my defense of what eventually turned out to be a private concern that a parent raised. The parent is Jewish and her husband Christian. Her child feeling uncomfortable singing about Jesus as the Messiah led to a discussion with the principal which got out somehow and was now everywhere. She came forward and took abuse. She had to stop her fight publically and return to the private realm. I continued my fight for what I now believed even more strongly was a just cause.

Next came the argument that the songs list was diverse and that stifling the teachings of Christianity was exclusion when the focus should be inclusion. We to me this argument is and always will be fundamentally flawed since there were no songs representing Islam, Hinduism or any other faiths. If I invite someone into my Church to worship they have a choice. They can take it or leave it. If this was a religion class where all religions were discussed analytically and from a safe distance it would be different. This was not about teaching diversity of thought. This was forced participation in religious practice.

I remained baffled at what I saw as a clear misinterpretation of the meaning of diversity and the purpose of Christianity. When the fight became about keeping Christ in Christmas I began to even more fervently defend my stance from the perspective of a Christian. I asked the community what Jesus would do. I firmly believe he would take the hands of those in the community we have outcast based on their challenge of the status quo and ask why we did not treat them better. As I understand it, that was kind of his thing.

It became about standing up for Christmas and our tradition as a country. The ultimate irony was our town was founded by a Quaker. Back then singing and musical instruments were not permitted in the religion. One of our most famous members of our community was Thomas Paine. A Deist who wrote “The Age of Reason” which denounces organized religion. Again the arguments remained fundamentally flawed about the origins of our country and the intent of our founding father of both our country and our community and when challenged these truths were tossed aside as invalid.

There were articles in the local papers and eventually it even reached the level of national news. The O’Reilly Factor featured the issue as part of continued proof of the war on Christmas. Bill went so far as to refer to our superintendent as a pinhead. Many in the town were embarrassed by the “negative” attention. I believe and still do this important issue is relevant to all and should be discussed.

I stand by my fight for what I believe is a just cause. I stand by it as a member of a community where I came to raise a family. We chose it based on the diversity of the community. Clearly as an interracial couple we value a community that truly values diversity. This is yet another reason I continue the fight.

I wrote letters to the Board of Education and to the Superintendent of Schools. Both Rolston and I felt strongly enough to attend the Board of Education meeting. After long discussions and regular board business it was time for public comments. People spoke from the heart on both sides of the issue. I knew I had to speak up.

So I leaned to Rolston and said I think I want to speak. He was like just don’t swear. I met many wonderful people through this process and one woman stood up just as I was about to. She was one of the first who I met who was threatened pretty directly because she came out in support of the ban and defended me. She was so upset she was on the verge of tears. She was nervous, but it was beautiful and passionate and sincere. She spoke from the heart.

Then I stood up and spoke directly to the board about the responsibility they have in making this policy and how important it was for them to understand that there are many Christian members in the community who agree with the ban. I spoke about my beliefs that it is wrong to sing songs of praise as part of a fourth grade mandatory curriculum. I asked them to be sure to consider the forum and that this is not an optional high school club or me asking my friend to sing in the hallway and that it makes a difference when you look at the context. I also mentioned that the song list was not at all diverse and that this was not a war on Christmas. I thanked them for giving us the forum to discuss the issue rather than speculate on Facebook and took my seat. I felt good about speaking up.

I learned a lot about myself through this whole affair. I am very passionate. I think this could lead to public service in the future. I am also energized by debate especially when the topic is important and relevant to the community I live in.

It also brought up many feelings about parenthood and how I will raise my children. I will teach my children to stand up for what is right in a respectful and educated manner. They must have facts on their side even in an emotional situation. They will learn to think analytically about all issues and learn to be empathetic because although I did not agree with many, I did my best to always see where they were coming from and do my best to understand. Most of all they will learn that in this country we have the greatest freedom to do what so many would and have killed for…the ability to speak up!

Happy Halloween!

My town is the Halloween town. We have a Halloween parade and I am not referring to a bunch of kids in costumes walking in a line. Oh no this is the real deal with floats and marching bands and candy flying from all directions.

We took Brenton last year, but he was unimpressed. I think he was simply too young. Well this year was a completely different story. Dressed as Wolverine with sunglasses on and jack o’ lantern candy sack in tow, we headed to our neighbors for the parade. He was excited. He knew something was happening. There were so many people gathering. He was waving to everyone along the way and they just loved his enthusiasm and his adorable costume.

We arrived and went inside for a bit, but he was insistent that we go outside. So out we went and waited for the parade to start. He ran back and forth and pointed at the first group in line. He wanted it to being and so did I.

Then it began and he was entranced. He gathered candy and put it in his bag. After a while he was curious to know why the candy had to stay in the bag and began taking it out in handfuls. I distracted him with a lollipop. Well four actually over the course of the parade and the subsequent time spent hanging out with parents and their children. At one point Brenton was perhaps convinced he was in the parade and began marching and dancing on the neighbor’s driveway. I caught it on camera. Now that was a treat!

Aside from the parade the town also has a house decorating contest. We decorate, but do not enter the contest. We are not that exciting, but the winners are always quite impressive in their designs. Along the same line is our dear Thompson Street. Each year they select a theme and this year it was the Wizard of Oz.

To say it is impressive is an understatement. It is everything you can imagine about the Wizard of Oz and the magic of Halloween all rolled into one. We made our way to Thompson Street a little before 6 on Halloween night. The crowds intensified as we approached. The children and adults alike were filled with anticipation to see the spectacle.

It was better than I imagined. Greeted by residents and the yellow brick road we began our journey. Brenton was slightly overwhelmed as was I. There was so much to look at. The houses with the flying monkeys and the ruby slippers and the film projected on a makeshift screen on one of the homes. The lights, the witches good and bad, the whole cast was represented. A tornado was also constructed and the woman on her bicycle was high above in a tree.

It was almost too much excitement for all of us. Children were shrieking with delight as they filled their bags with treats and everyone saying Happy Halloween as they greeted one another. The crowd was just enchanted and there was no denying it. Everyone was enjoying themselves.

As we neared the end of the street we saw the glowing lights from a field of jack o lanterns. It took my breath away to see them all. They were meticulously carved and in the center of the display read Happy Halloween in glowing candle light from the transformed pumpkins. Rolston lifted Brenton as I took pictures. It was a marvelous end to our adventure.

We returned home and continued the fun handing out candy to all the children. We brought chairs to the end of our driveway and from our perches we went through almost three bowls of candy. Many came from Thompson Street and remembered our little Wolverine. He was eating kit kat and was very excited to see all the children in their costumes. He stole a few from our bowl as well. So many smiles they were contagious.

It was a magical night! I have always loved Halloween. I think I might even say it is my favorite holiday. I have definitely moved to the right town to celebrate and my son seems to be just as enchanted with it as I am. Next year we will have another little one to bring on our adventure to Thompson Street. I wonder what the theme will be. I can’t imagine how they will top themselves, but I hear they always do. I can’t wait!

Apple Day!

It is an official family tradition. I went as a child and now I bring my child. It is Apple Day at Terhune orchard and it is full of fall family fun. This year did not disappoint. We arrived and parked the car in a field. It was already packed with families and children and strollers. We were no exception. Next year it will be a double stroller for us! And won’t that be exciting.

Brenton decided he would rather push the stroller than sit in it and that was just fine with me. I helped him steer on the gravel road toward the land of geese and sheep. He was not enthused with the sheep. He took one step toward one and it stood up and ran off and so he took 5 steps backward. We asked if he liked the sheep and he took another step back. Next was the chickens. He enjoyed watching them for about 3 seconds and then he was moving on and pushing his stroller with authority. This was his endeavor and he would not be distracted from the mission.

The only thing I could think to distract this little stroller monster was food and honestly I was pretty hungry as well. Growing a human is no small task you know. We cautiously approached the food tent. This was the scene of last year’s discontent. Brenton clearly had no memory of last year when he was stung by a bee for the first time. It was right here where we were standing. This year was far cooler and there were very few bees. I was on high alert nonetheless and told Rolston to take him and roam around while I got the food. This year we had no bee stings. This year was pure fun!

Some pork sandwiches, fries, mac and cheese and watermelon were on the menu for the day. We sat in the sun and munched. Brenton ate two pieces of the watermelon and all his mac and cheese. He was sated and so was I. Then good news arrived as Monica and her family showed up unexpectedly. We were off to pick some apples together.

Watching children decide which apples to pick is pretty darn cute. Brenton was more confused than anything at first, but I selected a couple and he plucked them from the trees. He ran along zig zagging through the orchard while I feverishly took photo after photo trying to catch the perfect one. I think I succeeded when he decided to hide in one of the apple trees although there are several from the day that really capture the joy of it all.

Next we were off to the great big john deer tractor. He sat on it all by himself this year. He played in the playhouse and on the big wooden wagon play set complete with a slide. He was fearless and excited. He ran and jumped and smiled and laughed. It was a child’s paradise.

Then it was time for a pony ride. I was concerned after the reaction to the sheep, but now he was fed and happy. Rolston put him on the horse and it happened. A huge smile spread across his face. He was loving this. He squealed with glee a few times and as his father walked with him around the path he looked back at me a few times and smiled. He was thrilled with this new adventure and so was I.

After the pony ride and all the excitement, it was clear that Brenton was exhausted and becoming cranky. We said our goodbyes to the Williams family, bought our cider donuts and two candy apples, and made our way to the car. We packed up, almost hit the fence pulling out of our parking spot and Brenton fell asleep in the car on the way home. It was the perfect Apple Day!

Sweet Pea

On Monday I was feeling off and my brain will not let me ignore something when I become convinced something is wrong. Most of the time thankfully I am mistaken and everything is just as it should be, but because when I was 15 I absolutely knew that Rolston was in the hospital because I could not reach him and I was correct. I am always on guard when my instincts kick in.

There was some pain on my left side and my left shoulder hurt as well. I am notorious for Dr. Google issues and this was no exception. I saw the words that have scared me since I learned I was pregnant again. Ectopic pregnancy. A sign is shoulder pain and my shoulder clearly hurt. It didn’t seem the same as what they described but I just could not let it go. I absolutely had to be sure my little sweet pea was alright!

I called the doctor and the nurse said I should come in and get checked out. After an extra hour in the waiting room since the doctor was running behind, I was examined. They sent me for an ultrasound and the tech Kim said the wonderful words, “It is definitely not ectopic.” I let out a huge breath. I think I had been holding my breath all day long. So I inhaled again and took a deep cleansing breath. All was well and it felt good.

The doctor advised that I should quit the workouts for the next couple of weeks and see how things go. Then she said more wonderful words, “But everything looks good and there is cardiac activity.” My tiny sweet pea has a heartbeat!

Good news kept coming the next day when the results of the beta came in and they are at the high end of the range 53525. The nurse said that it was good when she called to give me the numbers. Amazement set in at how wrong I could be and how grateful I am to be mistaken. It seems as though for now things are progressing as they should. As my mother and father say, “No need to borrow trouble.”

The original appointment for an ultrasound is next week and it will be a family visit. Brenton and his daddy will get to see our little sweet pea and hopefully hear that heartbeat or at least see it flicker on the screen. To share that experience with my baby boy will make it even sweeter and more exciting.

Brenton is aware that something is different. He clings to me in a new way. He looks at me like he knows soon things will be different. He will be a wonderful big brother.

He had his first speech therapy appointment yesterday. With optimism I feel think this will be very good for all of us and especially him. It takes the pressure off all of us. She teaches him sign language and asks him to vocalize and rewards him when he does. Most things we have tried and some things we have not. He seems to like it and he definitely feels comfortable with his therapist.

Worries are melting away and are replaced with a feeling of content. The reassurance on two fronts has allowed me to take many more deep breaths. I look back to this time last year when things were not as they should be and realize how far we have come and the excitement I have about what lies ahead.

We have so much for which to be thankful. Our son is happy and healthy and will soon be talking so much we will wish he never began. Our marriage stable and better than stable it is happy. We have our little sweat pea doing her job and growing and growing with a tiny beating heart and what could be better than that? I am the luckiest girl in the world!