Brenton lost his paternal grandfather before he was born. I was 6 months pregnant and stuck in the Charlotte airport trying to catch an early flight home to be at his deathbed with Rolston and the family. I found a rocking chair in D terminal and sat and rocked and waited for my not so much earlier flight home. I made it. I said my goodbyes before he passed that night a little after midnight. He lived a very full life to the age of 98. It was a peaceful passing and it was ok because we knew he was comforted knowing our boy was on the way and would continue his family name. There was comfort that Brenton had a very wise and loving guardian angel.
Two weeks later my beloved dog Tess got sick. I knew it was time to say more goodbyes. I was devastated. She was my very first baby before I even dreamed of baby B. I was so sad they would not get to meet each other. Tess was there for so many major milestones in my life. She was there when I moved out of my parents home into my first apartment. She was there when I graduated from college. She was there when I got engaged and then later when I got married. She was there every day in between loving me unconditionally. I was so lucky to have that wonderful creature in my life for 14 wonderful years. Brenton gained another angel to watch over him.
Now Brenton is three and a half months old and he has lost his paternal grandmother suddenly and without warning. This is by far the most difficult loss for all of us. My husband was completely unprepared to say goodbye to his mother and father in less than a year. The same year he welcomed his first born son into the world. Bittersweet does not even begin to address the emotional impact.
GMom met Brenton when he was born and we all spent his first Christmas Eve night together. She held him and changed his diaper and spoiled him with snuggles and kisses like all grandmothers do. We gave her a picture of him in a silver frame. She gave him gifts and some money for something special. “Maybe a toy box,” she said.
We really did not understand that would be the last time they would spend together. It was the last time we would all spend together except for a brief visit to drop something off one day. We believed we had much more time, but we did not.
I have spent time wishing I had taken pictures that Christmas Eve night, but I was busy enjoying the moments. I was watching our niece play with the toys we bought her. I was watching my husband play with her and think about the days when B is older and how exciting it will be to have the family together then. I didn’t think for one moment about the matriarch not being present.
I know she was a good mother to her son and her son loved her very very much. I know she was a good mother because her son treats me so well. I read once somewhere that if the man in your life treats you like a princess it is because he was raised in the arms of a queen.
That she is gone is still unbelievable in it’s cold truth. Somehow we will be sure she lives in our son’s memory even though he never got to know her. He will know at first she disapproved of his father and I dating, but later supported us like no one else. He will know she danced at our wedding with a big mother of the groom smile in a navy blue dress. He will know her kind spirit, but she also liked to gossip here and there. He will know her quirks. He will know her strengths. He will know she was important in our lives. He will know her family history. Most importantly he will know how much she loved him and that she watches over him.
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