Screaming. It’s a new thing my wonderful baby has learned to do. He is not just good at it he is amazing. His talents far outweigh those of other babies. He is advanced!
We head up the stairs at about 7:15 and begin our before bed routine. Off with the clothes from the day. On with a new fresh diaper and a warm fuzzy sleeper. Next I nurse him in the rocker and when he starts to appear drowsy I put on relax and sleep.
Baby apps are very useful for many things but this white noise miracle is important. Nightly I give up my phone for my baby to sleep to the sounds of the rainforest, whale sounds, crickets chirping or the sound of the ocean and always a beating heart in the background. He sleeps and it allows us to watch television with the sound above ten.
This was fool proof until two nights ago when it began. The screaming. He specifically likes to start the moment I put him down to sleep. After the relax and sleep has taken hold I transfer him to his rock and play beside our bed. We are co-sleepers and never thought we would be. I was all about putting him in the crib by 6 weeks and now he is 4 months and one week old.
The minute his angelic face touches the rock and play the eyes pop open and the screaming commences. I rock him and still it continues. I talk to him in a soothing voice. No luck. I pick him up and rock him in my arms and he will stop for a moment and then start again. Turn on the magic ceiling fan and it will subside momentarily. We gave him gas drops and teething tablets and checked him up and down for something that could be causing this terrible drama. There was nothing to be found.
So I gave up. Or should I say I gave in. I went and got some ice cream while my husband manned the fort. We were in this together now. I put the baby in the bed and got in next to him and ate my ice cream with the TV on. He likes to watch TV and we do not usually let him, but these were desperate times. He calmed slightly and began rubbing his eyes. The screaming was winding down after 2 hours.
I nursed him one more time and then he was asleep in the bed next to me. I swore I would never bed share and that co sleeping was my limit, but honestly most of my woulds and shoulds have gone out of the window so it really was no surprise to me that this also fell by the way side.
A screaming baby will make you do things you never thought you would ever do. I wonder if they know this and in the baby meetings they discuss how to manipulate us for their own amusements. Clearly exhaustion plays a role as well given my musings. I would pay him to quiet and sleep if it would work, but alas all I can do is what I can do and bribes do not work and neither does reasoning. So I better stockpile some ice cream and get ready to bed share until this phase is over. I hear it only lasts until he is about 10!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Guardian Angels
Brenton lost his paternal grandfather before he was born. I was 6 months pregnant and stuck in the Charlotte airport trying to catch an early flight home to be at his deathbed with Rolston and the family. I found a rocking chair in D terminal and sat and rocked and waited for my not so much earlier flight home. I made it. I said my goodbyes before he passed that night a little after midnight. He lived a very full life to the age of 98. It was a peaceful passing and it was ok because we knew he was comforted knowing our boy was on the way and would continue his family name. There was comfort that Brenton had a very wise and loving guardian angel.
Two weeks later my beloved dog Tess got sick. I knew it was time to say more goodbyes. I was devastated. She was my very first baby before I even dreamed of baby B. I was so sad they would not get to meet each other. Tess was there for so many major milestones in my life. She was there when I moved out of my parents home into my first apartment. She was there when I graduated from college. She was there when I got engaged and then later when I got married. She was there every day in between loving me unconditionally. I was so lucky to have that wonderful creature in my life for 14 wonderful years. Brenton gained another angel to watch over him.
Now Brenton is three and a half months old and he has lost his paternal grandmother suddenly and without warning. This is by far the most difficult loss for all of us. My husband was completely unprepared to say goodbye to his mother and father in less than a year. The same year he welcomed his first born son into the world. Bittersweet does not even begin to address the emotional impact.
GMom met Brenton when he was born and we all spent his first Christmas Eve night together. She held him and changed his diaper and spoiled him with snuggles and kisses like all grandmothers do. We gave her a picture of him in a silver frame. She gave him gifts and some money for something special. “Maybe a toy box,” she said.
We really did not understand that would be the last time they would spend together. It was the last time we would all spend together except for a brief visit to drop something off one day. We believed we had much more time, but we did not.
I have spent time wishing I had taken pictures that Christmas Eve night, but I was busy enjoying the moments. I was watching our niece play with the toys we bought her. I was watching my husband play with her and think about the days when B is older and how exciting it will be to have the family together then. I didn’t think for one moment about the matriarch not being present.
I know she was a good mother to her son and her son loved her very very much. I know she was a good mother because her son treats me so well. I read once somewhere that if the man in your life treats you like a princess it is because he was raised in the arms of a queen.
That she is gone is still unbelievable in it’s cold truth. Somehow we will be sure she lives in our son’s memory even though he never got to know her. He will know at first she disapproved of his father and I dating, but later supported us like no one else. He will know she danced at our wedding with a big mother of the groom smile in a navy blue dress. He will know her kind spirit, but she also liked to gossip here and there. He will know her quirks. He will know her strengths. He will know she was important in our lives. He will know her family history. Most importantly he will know how much she loved him and that she watches over him.
Two weeks later my beloved dog Tess got sick. I knew it was time to say more goodbyes. I was devastated. She was my very first baby before I even dreamed of baby B. I was so sad they would not get to meet each other. Tess was there for so many major milestones in my life. She was there when I moved out of my parents home into my first apartment. She was there when I graduated from college. She was there when I got engaged and then later when I got married. She was there every day in between loving me unconditionally. I was so lucky to have that wonderful creature in my life for 14 wonderful years. Brenton gained another angel to watch over him.
Now Brenton is three and a half months old and he has lost his paternal grandmother suddenly and without warning. This is by far the most difficult loss for all of us. My husband was completely unprepared to say goodbye to his mother and father in less than a year. The same year he welcomed his first born son into the world. Bittersweet does not even begin to address the emotional impact.
GMom met Brenton when he was born and we all spent his first Christmas Eve night together. She held him and changed his diaper and spoiled him with snuggles and kisses like all grandmothers do. We gave her a picture of him in a silver frame. She gave him gifts and some money for something special. “Maybe a toy box,” she said.
We really did not understand that would be the last time they would spend together. It was the last time we would all spend together except for a brief visit to drop something off one day. We believed we had much more time, but we did not.
I have spent time wishing I had taken pictures that Christmas Eve night, but I was busy enjoying the moments. I was watching our niece play with the toys we bought her. I was watching my husband play with her and think about the days when B is older and how exciting it will be to have the family together then. I didn’t think for one moment about the matriarch not being present.
I know she was a good mother to her son and her son loved her very very much. I know she was a good mother because her son treats me so well. I read once somewhere that if the man in your life treats you like a princess it is because he was raised in the arms of a queen.
That she is gone is still unbelievable in it’s cold truth. Somehow we will be sure she lives in our son’s memory even though he never got to know her. He will know at first she disapproved of his father and I dating, but later supported us like no one else. He will know she danced at our wedding with a big mother of the groom smile in a navy blue dress. He will know her kind spirit, but she also liked to gossip here and there. He will know her quirks. He will know her strengths. He will know she was important in our lives. He will know her family history. Most importantly he will know how much she loved him and that she watches over him.
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