Sweet Pea

On Monday I was feeling off and my brain will not let me ignore something when I become convinced something is wrong. Most of the time thankfully I am mistaken and everything is just as it should be, but because when I was 15 I absolutely knew that Rolston was in the hospital because I could not reach him and I was correct. I am always on guard when my instincts kick in.

There was some pain on my left side and my left shoulder hurt as well. I am notorious for Dr. Google issues and this was no exception. I saw the words that have scared me since I learned I was pregnant again. Ectopic pregnancy. A sign is shoulder pain and my shoulder clearly hurt. It didn’t seem the same as what they described but I just could not let it go. I absolutely had to be sure my little sweet pea was alright!

I called the doctor and the nurse said I should come in and get checked out. After an extra hour in the waiting room since the doctor was running behind, I was examined. They sent me for an ultrasound and the tech Kim said the wonderful words, “It is definitely not ectopic.” I let out a huge breath. I think I had been holding my breath all day long. So I inhaled again and took a deep cleansing breath. All was well and it felt good.

The doctor advised that I should quit the workouts for the next couple of weeks and see how things go. Then she said more wonderful words, “But everything looks good and there is cardiac activity.” My tiny sweet pea has a heartbeat!

Good news kept coming the next day when the results of the beta came in and they are at the high end of the range 53525. The nurse said that it was good when she called to give me the numbers. Amazement set in at how wrong I could be and how grateful I am to be mistaken. It seems as though for now things are progressing as they should. As my mother and father say, “No need to borrow trouble.”

The original appointment for an ultrasound is next week and it will be a family visit. Brenton and his daddy will get to see our little sweet pea and hopefully hear that heartbeat or at least see it flicker on the screen. To share that experience with my baby boy will make it even sweeter and more exciting.

Brenton is aware that something is different. He clings to me in a new way. He looks at me like he knows soon things will be different. He will be a wonderful big brother.

He had his first speech therapy appointment yesterday. With optimism I feel think this will be very good for all of us and especially him. It takes the pressure off all of us. She teaches him sign language and asks him to vocalize and rewards him when he does. Most things we have tried and some things we have not. He seems to like it and he definitely feels comfortable with his therapist.

Worries are melting away and are replaced with a feeling of content. The reassurance on two fronts has allowed me to take many more deep breaths. I look back to this time last year when things were not as they should be and realize how far we have come and the excitement I have about what lies ahead.

We have so much for which to be thankful. Our son is happy and healthy and will soon be talking so much we will wish he never began. Our marriage stable and better than stable it is happy. We have our little sweat pea doing her job and growing and growing with a tiny beating heart and what could be better than that? I am the luckiest girl in the world!