The Second Child

The second child is different.  Even if they are both boys, the second child will inevitably be different from the first. People told me this before I had my second child and it was not that I did not believe them, but thought how different can they really be?

The answer is really really different.  Emerson wants to sleep and he likes to sleep.  Emerson loves to eat.  He also loves to feed himself.  He is autonomous in ways that surprise me at the tender age of only 9 months.  He is warm and tender and also like a truck ready to roll right over you to get what he wants.  It is not that he smiles more or less than his older brother, but it is a different smile.

Emerson’s energy is different.  He is not as frenetic as Brenton can be.  His energy is focused.  He seems to know exactly what he wants and what he wants is basically simple.  Usually it is food that he wants.  When he is tired he tells you.  Emerson can actually tell you exactly what he wants.  He also is very likely to just go and get it.  That is the biggest difference is his ability to communicate which has always been a struggle for his brother.

I spent so much time with Brenton worrying about milestones and playing like the books told me to do so he would achieve the milestones on time.  This time around I don’t even read the emails about the should be doing this at this point.  I see them come into my inbox and promptly delete them.  Part of that is a lack of time and the other is a lack of concern.  He seems to be doing well and also I trust myself more.  It helps that he has a playmate at all times.  Brenton really enjoys his brother mostly and will play with him all day.  He is constantly engaged between the attention he receives from Brenton, or his father or me. Not to mention his grandparents and even other children at the many events he attends at the libraries with his dad.

There is not as much fear and anxiety placed on a second child.  I am not sure if that makes him different, but I am different.  It certainly takes less energy to just enjoy him as opposed to worrying about him all the time about things that I could never change. It also makes me more sensitive to the ways I raised Brenton in his first years until his brother arrived.

Brenton learning to share has been good for him.  It has been a struggle at times.  He does not have the communication skills to tell us certain things about his feelings yet and as a result he can experience high levels of frustration. His brother helps him through it.  He makes him laugh or tries to help in small ways.  It is amazing how someone so small can light up a room.  Both of my children possess intrinsic gifts of drawing people into their worlds.  Brenton is very social and engaging while Emerson is joyful and kind.  They complement each other.

I think a lot about the fact that Emerson makes a wonderful brother to Brenton and vice versa and think about the years to come.  I know that I still wish to have one more child.  One more will complete our family.  Three feels right.  In the here and now though, I am thoroughly enjoying the early years of the life with our second child. He is pure sunshine and light!